Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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