you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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