you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
