Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
