remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
