So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
