Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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