You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
