So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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