State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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