i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
