I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
