I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
