I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
