Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
