I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
