Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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