Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
