Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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