my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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