So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Are my feet made of real feet?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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