we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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