well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
