I accidentally burped into my bong.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
