pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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