So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I got chris browned last night
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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