Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Boobs are out for the taking
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
