So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
