the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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