she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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