How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
