It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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