Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
