He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
