If you die in college, do you die in real life?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
