I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize