I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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