I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
