Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
