just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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