i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I believe in your delicious
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
