he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
