I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
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I queefed so loud it echoed.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
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Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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