so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
