gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
