I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
