she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just found a bag of teeth...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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