when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
