Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
