Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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