I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
