we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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