The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
