he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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