I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
