I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
