This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
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there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
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This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I love you. Go after that dick
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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