You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
