dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
