I think I am morally bankrupt
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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