Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
