all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You can't just leave with hair like that
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
