remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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