It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just want to make out with him forever
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
