direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
