Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
