Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
