Jerry, you need to find god
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
