hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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