Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
