Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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