its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
