If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
