Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
