sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
